I am not like other people. I can never be. I can never be that person who does things in the moment because they feel good. I want things to feel right in the long run. I don’t want to have a moment and lose on an opportunity of future. I would rather have a better tomorrow than have a moment right now.
I overthink? No. Thinking is an involuntary action for me. That is the only thing I know how to do. I have to think. That is the way I was programmed. For people like me, there is no such thing as overthinking. I make up various situations, ask questions, answer them and then worry over a hypothetical result. But then, that is the reason I am where I am today. My situations might be hypothetical, but they do have a touch of reality to them. I analyze!
And just like other people can live in the moment without thinking about the past or future, I can’t. My brain isn’t so naive as to not have those thoughts. Or maybe, it is too naive to not be able to get over them. I just need a place of solace where nothing exists, but thought. That is the only thing that has kept me functional. I can’t change that. I can’t stop thinking. The thing that seems as overthinking to you, is just a normal everyday routine for me. I am too complex. But then, that’s what one gets with an intelligence quotient as high as mine.
I cannot be normal. I cannot be sane. I cannot be that guy next door. I cannot be perfect socially. I am not that person. No matter how hard you and I try, I will never be able to become that.
If you want, I will try as hard as I can, but you have to understand that it won’t be easy. It might not happen so fast. It might even take years for me to take even 1 step towards normality from the place where I am right now.
If you let Earth = Normal, I am not even in the same orbit.
P.S. If you still want to keep trying, I don’t know what to tell you. There is most certainly no use of ruining your happiness for someone who might not even understand its worth.